For the fans...

I received a request to post something new and exciting that would promise to entertain. When I inquired about topic suggestions, this is what I got:

5 tips for finding the Mormon man of your dreams
A how-to guide for the new baby to follow in about 18-20 years.

I have decided to do both, but only one at a time. So first...

5 Tips for Finding the Mormon Man of your Dreams:

1) Decide what you want. About 5 years ago, I wrote down a list of characteristics I wanted in a future husband. I called it, "My Johnny Lingo". Here are just a few of the things on my list:

good shoes
good looking, but not TOO good looking,
likes to watch football
drives fast
no pets
good taste in furniture
smells good
uses Mentadent toothpaste
wears chapstick
no Hawaiian shirts
drinks Gatorade
wears a watch
likes fruit
knows how to fix things
business minded
likes Target
likes old people
fan of Mexican food

The list is actually written on a brown paper towel from one of those dispensers in the bathroom. If anyone needs to see the list for authenticity, you are welcome to it. And of course, these are just a few of the most important qualities I was looking for in the Mormon man of my dreams. And C fulfills just about everyone of my important qualities, except for the whole liking old people and using Mentadent parts, but no body is perfect. Right?

2) Know yourself and what makes you happy. Have your own identity. In March of 2003, I compliled a list of 101 questions about me. I wanted to know what I liked and what I didn't like without worrying about what anyone else thought or being influenced by anyone else's opinions. I think it's important when going in to any relationship that you have a true understanding of who you are so that you can offer your 'best self' to that person. Some of the questions and answers include:

What do you like to do for fun? bowl, swing at the park, watch movies, play games
What is your favorite color? red
How many kids do you want? 4 or 5
What's the most beautiful thing in the world to you? A happy family
Will you spank your children? Probably, yes.
How do you feel about promptness? Very important, I don't like being late
Do you like animals? Only at the zoo, not in my house
How many girls have you kissed? 0
What do you like on your pizza? Pepperoni or Hawaaiian
Do your feet stink? When they are sweaty, yes

This is just a sample of the 101 questions.

3) Accept a blind date invitation. Sure, they're risky - but... what's the worst that could happen? And you never know, it may just work out. My parents met on a blind date set up by my mom's sister. Just make sure the person setting up the blind date is someone you trust. Also to keep in mind, you may want to meet this person somewhere. If they find out where you live and turn out to be a total creep - not good. If you sense the date is going nowhere, simply excuse yourself and go home.

I went on a date with this guy once. It wasn't a blind date, but I didn't know anything about him. We met at an Italian restaurant for dinner where he proceeded to tell me about everything on the menu that he recommended. Being polite, I ordered one of his recommendations and then he ordered soup and salad for himself. When I asked him why, he said because my meal was too expensive for us to both get main entrees. (oops!) The funny thing was, he then went on to tell me how much money he makes and how successful he is and that I should feel lucky he wanted to take me out and be my 'sugar daddy'. Needless to say, the date didn't last much longer.

4) Be honest. If you're not ready to get in to a relationship, tell them up front. If you are only looking for something serious, make sure the person you are going out with knows within the first few dates. It's awkward for everyone when you and your date go in to the relationship with different expectations. Like the time I went out with this guy 3 or 4 times because he had a really cute co-worker that we'd run in to occasionally and my 'date' was looking for a wife. Or like the time I told C after our first kiss that I didn't want to get into anything serious because I wanted to keep my options open. We were engaged 6 weeks later.

5) Don't go to BYU. You'll find all kinds of Mormon guys, but not necessarily the one of your dreams. Keep in mind, this is my opinion and experience only, but while attending BYU-Idaho (at the time, Ricks College), I met a lot of eligible bachelors, but none I felt quite lived up to my "Johnny Lingo" expectations.

So C. K. - you know who you are... while you are searching for the Mormon man of your dreams, just remember: C is taken, but there are plenty of others out there, you just may not find him in Lincoln, Nebraska.