Live like the Danes

Last night, C and I watched an episode of 60 Minutes that we recorded on Sunday. One of their feature stories was about the happiest countries in the world. The number one happiest country in the world is... Denmark; and it has been for the last 30 years. Where did the United States rank? Somewhere in the 20s. So, what makes Denmark the happiest country in the world? A few things actually.

The experts interviewed said that Denmark is happy because people are content and claim to have very little to complain about. They don't have extremely high expectations, so they don't get disappointed very often. It was also pointed out that there isn't a major disparity between classes. Danes like to believe that they are tolerant towards other people regardless of creed or color according to www.studyindenmark.dk. One man in particular says he is happy because people don't judge his choice of career as a garbage man and because he has plenty of time to spend with his family. The article in ABC News says, "Denmark is what is called a "post consumerist" society. People have nice things, but shopping and consuming is not a top priority...In Denmark, you can see trust in action all around you. Vegetable stands run on the honor system, mothers leave babies unattended in strollers outside cafés, and most bicycles are left unlocked."

Compare that to the United States, and people seem to never be content and the difference between classes creates increased competition. But this sense of competition isn't to see who can be the happiest, it's to see who has the most stuff. Of couse, I am a shopper myself, but within reason. And even if C says shopping isn't a hobby - it is to me. But not much is left up to the honor system these days in America, babies are never left alone and if they are - it can be splashed all over the headlines (ie: Britney Spears). So what do we do to live more like the Danes?

A group of Danish students were asked if they preferred the glitz and glamour of America to life in Denmark. One responded that he would rather live in Denmark than become consumed by the American Dream.

I have always had high expectations of myself and get discouraged when I dwell on trying to do better. But after seeing this story and reading more about it, I am going to make a more conscious effort to be content and happy with where I am right now and what I've accomplished.

Secrets

Wow, thanks so much everyone for your comments on my last post. In this post, I want to talk about secrets. Every body has them - just how many do we have? Listed under 'favorite links' I have a link to a web-site called Post Secret. I look forward to checking it out every Monday. Basically, people send in home made postcards disclosing some secret and they are posted on this web-site every Sunday. Some of the secrets are dark, some are funny. I have noticed though, a lot of the secrets could potentially really hurt someone. Reading this web-site has really made me think about my own 'secrets'. I don't really have any super mysterious or interesting secrets, but I do have secrets. I'll tell you a secret, but you can't tell anyone, okay? Just kidding. Actually, I'll tell you 3 secrets.

1) I have a list of everyone I've ever kissed in my life and when I was younger, I used to rate them on a scale from 1-10. Of course I started writing 10, then 10+, then 10++, so I figure my rating scale was a bit skewed. Now with C in my life, I don't ever have to worry about that again.

2) I love to watch Jeopardy. I am not extremely intelligent and hardly get any answers right, but I really love to watch it. And I am facinated with how quickly those people know answers to questions I sometimes can't even pronounce.

3) When I was in college, I used to buy a lot of those rubbermaid or ziploc disposable storage containers. You're supposed to wash and reuse then again and again, but when I didn't feel like doing the dishes I threw them away.

So I know, my secrets are lame, but they were secrets until now. I'm sure if I thought long enough, I could come up with some more interesting ones. Certainly not as interesting or controversial as some of the ones on Post Secret. I guess no matter how serious or personal the secret is, it can be a secret as long as we allow it to be.

To Choose, or Not to Choose

My husband and I often have the discussion about whether or not we choose how we feel. My husband, who I will now refer to as C because 'my husband' takes too long to type, feels that we choose how we feel and more specifically we choose when we are offended by someone or something. This discussion usually comes after I have had my feelings hurt or been offended in some way and I am simply expressing those feelings to C. His response, "you choose to feel that way" offers no comfort. I do agree there are some instances in which I can be a little more sensitive than necessary. However, I do not believe that in all cases and at all times - we choose how we feel.

For example, I don't necessarily think we choose who to fall in love with. We can choose who we are attracted to and choose to associate ourselves with people that we share things in common with or that we enjoy the company of, but how do you choose to feel a certain way about someone or something?

I am certainly not the expert on feelings as some of my friends would say I've been 'emotionally constipated' for years. But I do think how we feel is a response to what we know. I don't know why I am more sensitive than other people sometimes or why I get my feelings hurt. But why would I choose that? Being sad or hurt or angry aren't necessarily feelings that I enjoy. I will admit there are times when I say, "That really hurt my feelings" and C responds with sympathy and compassion that helps to numb the wound. But if it's true, that we really do choose how to feel, then how do I change?

Success and Value

My husband and I attended a lecture over weekend about planning for the future. Most of the people in attendence were students and spouses of students. The wives are generally trying to balance either having a career or children and a spouse in school. The general purpose of the lecture was to give advice on financial planning for the future. What do you do when you get out of school and have an income? Is it imporant to buy life insurance and why? How much should your first house cost? I thoroughly enjoyed the discussion and found it useful. Planning for the future is something my husband and I talk about regularly.

Growing up, my father always used to say, "The more you save now, the more you'll have later." And he's right. We are trying to save what we can and spend wisely. But, something the lecturer said really stuck with me. He said something like, "Some people are defined by their money and some people define their money."

I met this guy once who drove an old beat up Mercedes. He was retired and drove his car in town every day to pick up his mail at the post office. His neighbors all drove very latest and greatest in luxury vehicles. He said if you have to drive the nicest car in town you need people to know if you have money, you don't have as much as you think you do. If you have money and don't really care if anyone knows, then it doesn't matter what you drive and you're richer than the rest. My guess is he wasn't speaking of 'richer' as a manner of material wealth, but more of the quality of life.

My parents weren't rich or poor, but I learned the 'value' of money. I have learned the difference between having nice things because I like them and having nice things because it makes me feel like a better person than those who don't have nice things. I have learned the importance of saving and have experienced my fair share of 'rainy days' in which that savings literally 'saved' me.

Albert Einstein once said,“Try to become not a man of success, but a man of value.” I grew up in a nice town and went to a nice school. Most of my friends drove nice cars. But it wasn't enough to drive a nice car. They had to shop at the right stores, hang out in right places, and carry the right handbag just so everyone knew they had money. But what facinated me about it all is that they didn't have any money. Their parents had money. While I was driving around in an blue Dodge Caravan with wood grain on the side, my friends were driving their brand new Mustangs and Explorers. But please, don't feel sorry for me; at least I had a car. And - I have those years of character development to thank for the current value and condition of my life.

Thank you for the support!

Thank you so much for those who have contacted me with interest in helping Elizabeth and her daughter. I spoke to her this morning and they are doing okay. She is anxious to get out as soon as possible. I will be wiring the money to her and she hopes to be back to the US by Tuesday. I will keep you all posted on her status. Thank you again to everyone for their thoughts and prayers.